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shaolinhoward
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Name: Howard
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Cupertino
Birthday: 4/11/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: Star Trek,
John Mayer tunes,
Jack Johnson rhythms,
SF Giants,
Aggie-anything
Expertise: My interests
Occupation: Computer related
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/10/2005
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| (composing this in my head while waiting in line at costco)
guy in front of me is annoying
he doing what looks like motorboating with his gf's hair
gathering a handful of locks and wiping his face like a bathroom towel
man he likes her hair
he must enjoy her hair like i enjoy using my right hand.. umm for like writing and stuff
did he just taste of her hair?
good lord im disgusted
upset
i've been waiting in this horrid line for already 20 minutes
it looked like the shortest
the carts looked the least full of all the lines
the bottleneck?
a pesky chinese family
somehow they have summoned an entire branch of the costco org chart to congregate as if deliberating on a contested field goal
pissed
not thinking i needed a cart i just grabbed everything, cradling my groceries like im holding twins
its getting heavy
it was a mistake to grab the 3lb greek-style yogurt
my warm hands are probably causing it to curdle
oh man!
my delectable salad from intermezzo is sitting in my trunk
its survived a long bart ride and is likely browning from oxidization as i wait in this godforsaken line
what time is it?
have i been here for an hour already??
rage
not my own but rather some customers a couple lines over
unfortunately i only catch the tail end of their escalating diatribe
it appears to be an east asian skirmish
"you not in line! we are firlst!" chinesey lady exclaims
"hey you shuddup!" "i cannut there are people like you in this world!" sternly replies asian indian man with wide eyes
his wife nods approvingly.. his baby girl gazes into space
chinese lady retreats and mutters bitingly in her native tongue
i notice 8 canisters of infant formula on the conveyor belt
that weird couple in front of me have procreated!
or perhaps they run a day care.. man i hope thats the case
they should sell bunnies at costco! exclaims weird dude in an irritating faux-child voice
i want to throw something at him
hey do you remember teenage mutant ninja turtles? (he proceeds to sing the theme song)
i glance at my bundle of bananas
tiggets! movie tiggets!
as if adding to this zoo scene an accented asian lady walks around with amc movie passes as if hawking cracker-jacks
i will buy ten tickets if you PLEASE open up another cash register!
she is not in range to read my thoughts
the cart girl is ridiculously cute
she tussles her hair
chews on a nail
wait.. did she just flash-pick her nose? smooth..
i avert my eyes quickly
ahhh finally i can rest my items on the conveyer belt
freedom is within grasp!
i watch as a short armed man tries to grab the bar that separates items
i perform my lone good deed and slide it towards him
i checkout in about 60 seconds.
the cart girl starts to put my items in someone's cart
oh i didnt hava.. (pauses) umm thanks alot!
i glance at the line of carts.. hey.. seems to be more carts that people.. i scurry away
good, i'm done
i start racing towards the exit
crap
the receipt checking line is a mile long
my mind starts to wander
hey hair-girl has really nice legs
oooop.. hard stop
nearly ram into the guy in front of me with my shopping cart
receipt checked off and yessss! sweet sweeeeet liberty!
>>howard
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| Before I knew what for, a complete stranger using lipstick scribed the letter 'V' onto both cheeks (face not butt). Fast forward a little later and I was on a lit stage patterning the hustle in an unbeknownst competition to continue as the evening's preshow entertainment. In American Idol reminiscent fashion, 6 of us were asked to step forward and the rest of the virgins were excused. Yay! we were selected.. but for what? Well lets not go into details but it was not as crass as I had been cautioned. I did think that it was a creative use for fruit.
Wacky.. zany.. incoherent.. all spot on ways to describe the experience. But paramount over these is that it was fun. Like really really awesomely fun. A show mirrored along the backdrop of a movie, it sounds redundant but in fact is refreshingly novel. The live actors' over the top performances brought a degree of hilarity on top the ridicularity already present on the screen. Also their poorly adapted costumes were more endearing than mockable. Plus it was disco night so afros and tube socks abounded.
The theater itself was new and unique in of itself. The Parkway Speakeasy in Oakland is different from the commonplace venue because it is more of a performance theater/lounge. Instead of rows of seating they feature patio-style chairs and cocktail tables. The movie screen itself is behind a performance stage. The interior is ornately decorated, reminiscent of the 50s era. Lastly, it is dirt cheap! The matinee showings are $3. Our midnight show was $6.
Above all I was enthused by the audience participation. The analog of which I know very well in baseball as heckling. However instead of placing a verbal barrage on the opposing team, the corpus of the theater directed their verbal vitriol at the movie itself. No character was spared, no minor production snafu left uncriticized. I was constantly left wondering what they would all say next, and I was not disappointed. They were caustic but hilariously witty. I broke out in a constant gaggle of laughing that aroused looks from my companions.
We sat in the back section. Therefore we were able to dodge most of the hazing but garnered more middle fingering. It would have been cool to be right in the thick of things where the cast members would interact with you and the spectators would get up and dance. I developed a new found respect for the theater geeks who comprised much of the crowd. They were totally in their element. I found myself somewhat envious of their prowness because they were having such a great time.
as we left the theater, i pondered to myself: would I do the time warp again?
most definitely.
>>howard
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| It was sudden. I was listening to my usual codependent podcast when something just didn't seem right. I never play the segments in the right order as my mp3 player orders them alphabetically. Therefore I didn't catch the clear-cut announcement during first part of the show.
So something was amiss. They played snippets of the various guest drops through the years. Adam was pimpi--I mean.. promoting his interns out for new opportunities. There was an overall sullen yet hopeful quality in the voices of the cast. Well.. that and they kept mentioning something about that being the last Adam Carolla show. Somehow that didn't register with me.
It was sort of a show about nothing, akin to a certain long running sitcom that also went out on top. Although I was not privy to following the show through its entire 3 year history, I always felt that this was a broadcast of high caliber, good nature, and jovial humour. The cast is smart yet accessible for the common layperson.
It gave us tomorrow's news..today. Ozzie's unintelligible film reviews. An infinitely growing list of things Adam could complain about. My weekly helping of rageful rants. Countless classic interviews such as the man who was kicked out of a chinese buffet for eating too much to film producer Ken Burns who painted an optimistic picture of our nation's future.
I appreciated the way Adam ended the show. It was on his own terms although the decision was beyond his control. It was a change in formats from talk to top 40 music. Clearly radio programming that the world needs more of. However he embraced the necessity for change. The possibility that change, although initially painful and fearful, has and will bring about good things.
mahalo.
>>howard
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| Drove my butt to the gym to get a run in this evening. Decided instead to see the neighborhood. Midway through, drops started forming on my face. A mile away from my car and it started to come down.
It never felt so good.
>>howard
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| Howerd
That was the name it was given. And unlike its namesake, it was tireless and hardy. No other contraption I have owned had a matching determination to stay alive. This evening, it finally succumbed to the inevitable fate of any device under my possession.
I powered it up this evening and noticed a lack of sync with itunes. Glancing at its normally friendly face, I saw a discouraging sight. The eyes were formed by X's. Also a link to apple.com was present. Likely indicating that I should visit their store.
At first I would not accept it. I attempted the equivalent of CPR (holding down menu and the center button repeatedly). But alas, it wasn't coming back. Howerd was gone.
Well perhaps it was time. Nearly 3 and a half years has been a good run. I found one of my first posts on xanga which mentioned my new ipod at the time: http://www.xanga.com/shaolinhoward/311254845/item/
now to decide whether to bury it or salvage for parts.
>>howard
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